On A Plane To Abu Dhabi
I love being in transit.
If anyone ever asks me where my favourite place to work and relax in is. It’s wherever I can work and relax on a train, on a plane, in an airport maybe or at the bus station. Not in the Philippines. My point is that I like working around something.
I think that’s something fundamental in me. To be the quiet one among the noisy group, the noisy one in the quiet group. Okay, maybe that’s working against something. Almost the same difference to me.
But I think the reason behind it is that I like working knowing that something else is progressing around me – either in sight or running in the background. I think it’s because I really don’t want to waste time.
On A Plane To Jordan
Fuck. I totally want to get out of the city. So so so so sick of where I am.
Well, I am in Abu Dhabi and headed to Jordan and Israel. But that’s not the point. I’m young. I have the energy. I’m privileged and spoiled. I direly need to get out of my comfort zone.
How can I go back to my plan of living in different cities and different countries? It’s just that I don’t know if it’s because I just need a change of routine or because that’s really what I’m supposed to be doing.
Why can’t I live from one curiosity to the other? Can’t it be just that simple? Does everything have to have purpose and meaning? Do I have to be full of intent for every single pursuit or life-altering decision I make?
I’m panicking because I’m starting to see that I’m slowly losing the young and stupid privilege card and I really want to max it out before it expires – because who wants to be that at 30.
27 is a good age for me to give it 6 months and figure it out for real. I just don’t think I can live my life bound by the decisions and opinions that my parents make. It’s a big world out there and I can’t live on this tiny reality set up for me – at least not yet.
But I don’t want those 6 months to be pleasure or leisure. It needs to be 6 months of research. Something in the realm of farming and tea planting. That’s something I totally want to learn – and a little business savvy of course.
I need a self-reliant career. Not bound by time or location. Obviously not a corporation.
On A Plane Back To Manila
I wish I could just shut everything up. For a few hours or maybe for at least a day at most. I wish I could relax for once in my life without having to feel like I’m missing out or failing when I don’t act on anything.
Yes, I’ve gone on vacations, trips out of the town, the city, the country – maybe I need one outside of the galaxy. But none of them ever really help, they’re just constant reminder of what I should be doing instead and what I need to plan for when I get back.
It’s exhausting to think as much as I do. I wish it just that easy to stop thinking, questioning, wondering, or planning.
Ever since I flunked out of law school time has never been the same. I’m in a constant rush. Living without a second to spare. That was almost four years ago, I’ve learned to embrace the process of slowing down. But the only thing left to slow down now is my brain and I can’t seem to do that.
A couple of hours ago I’ve finally narrowed down my pursuits to three: business, film, and writing.
On A Ride Back From A Crappy Party
It’s no secret that I now find a number of huge things an incredible waste of time. People can live out their time the way they want to – but I do it differently.
I’m indifferent to whether or not you approve of me.
Be challenged by telling a great story to someone every day. Own your role. Wanna be an actor? Then act. Act like a successful version of you then maybe you’ll become it.
I no longer enjoy having fun and relaxing. What can I make? What can I excel in? What can I achieve? Those are the questions that linger in my head these days.
It’s no secret that I find most of the relationships in my life distracting to what I’m trying to do. Especially now. Although I know it’s not all about what benefits me but you know what I mean. I’ve been anti-social for a reason and that reason is that I’m after a bigger goal here. I might not ever win miss congeniality, be famous or be the most kind-hearted person you’ll meet – but I will get things done.
I wonder if why I’m attracted to flawed geniuses is the fact that their flaws are justified because of what they’ve accomplished. It somehow gives me a license to be the way I am because I’ve earned it one way or the other.
I know I need to slow down – but I feel like I’m way too relaxed for something that is begging me to work even harder.